A shoulder to cry on..

I wanna say something.Something extremely weird happened to me yesterday night. As the sun was leaving the day, a tremendous sense of sadness engulfed me,overcasting a shadow of doubt deep within my heart. This uninvited feeling came about slowly but rapidly palpitating me into a horrific halt. If u are starting to think 'what the heck is she talkin about',...well, guess what...it's even harder for me to explain what is it that I was feeling...
I was going about doing what I always did around that time (well,come to think about it,I don't really know what I did..)..chatting away with the kids,fixing dinner,n stuff like that...and it came. A suspension of feeling in the form of a mega-magnitude of worry, sadness, sorrow, anxiety, guilt, fear, extreme fear, extreme extreme fear, brewed in me. I can't tell u guys what the cause was, although I knew WHY I felt that way. Really can't tell. But the question is: why is it so damn EXTREME? These expressions came about throughout our lives commonly and we managed to hold it down. But yesterday was an exception. I was propelled into a self-concocting well of tears that could very well drown my own eyeballs. I don't feel like smiling. I don't think that I wanna be happy again.I suddenly felt this dreadful feeling of : what if I can't smile anymore? I need this smile to give me the sun and to dry up my rain.I tried to stay calm and sort this killing feeling inside me but it got me and I finally succumbed into a deep sorrowful act. I cried - like I never cried before. My heart spoke hand-in-hand with my mind,in a language of broken tears.Prayed for an answer.Prayed for strength. Prayed for protection. Only Allah knows what I was feeling and the answers to my questions. My heart felt mutilated - wrenched,ripped,torn. I couldn't sleep and would not sleep.It went on thru the dragging night. Hub asked me what was wrong. I couldn't answer him. I just asked for permission to give some space for me to let go of my flooding tears. I told him I don't want 'anything bad to happen'. He felt frustrated that I was talking in circles, adding that we would not be called a normal human being if we were to know the answers to every question.
Late into the night, God answered my prayers and the 'nasty' feelings subsided at a steady pace. Call me a paranoid if u want. I don't care. But I knew if my prayers weren't granted, I don't know how I could carry on anymore.....

I just thot of sharing this with u. I was thinking :

When you sail in the sea of life,
Do not avoid the storms and rough waters,
Becuz calm seas,
Will never make skillful sailors.

God is Great and may you always be blessed,my loved ones.
(Abg - I luv u..)

Salam Sayang, Salam Ukhwah,
Sayang Suhana.